Architects of Seduction, by Matthew Clarke (my fan fiction)

Another story about Big Finish character, Elizabeth Klein. Klein is a Nazi scientist from an alternate timeline. This is set between A Thousand Tiny Wings and Survival of the Fittest.

I suppose not everyone will like my portraying Klein as a lonely, frustrated woman.


Torvold was a planet of gentle rolling hills and green grasslands, decorated by tiny, but colourful flowers. It was in short, the perfect place for a picnic.

The Doctor had packed a massive hamper and spread its contents on a picnic blanket- ham, sardine sandwiches, pork pie, pickles, cheeses and cakes.

Wearing a floral dress, Klein sat on the blanket. She had removed her shoes and had curled up her bare feet under her. The Doctor sat cross-legged on the other side of the blanket.

Klein eyed the Doctor's two-tone brogues.

"Herr Doctor, I would point out that we are eating off this blanket. I suggest you either remove your feet or remove your shoes."

The Doctor sighed and took off his brogues. Ever the authouritarian, Klein was fastidious about cleanliness.

Klein pulled out a bottle.

"Doctor, I found this bottle in the TARDIS. It might help wash down our meal."

The Doctor recognised the bottle. It had been picked up by his fourth incarnation.

"That's Taran wine, Klein. It's rather strong stuff."

Klein smiled and opened up the bottle. The Doctor was surprised. Klein did not usually drink much. He suspected it was down to the subdued mood she had been in recently. Klein seemed moody lately, perhaps a little depressed. He could not deny she had reason to be depressed; everything she had loved and believed in had been erased from history.

The Doctor allowed himself a tiny glass out of politeness. Unlike some of his previous selves, he was not at all given to drinking. Klein seemed quite liberal in the amounts she poured into her glass.

The Doctor attempted to engage Klein in their usual sport of debating ethics and philosophy. She responded to his arguments, but he could tell her thoughts were elsewhere.

By the time they had finished eating, she had drunk four glasses of the Taran wine. She stared out at the rolling hills.

"So many beautiful worlds. These places make me feel so melancholy, Doctor. They seem to bring out the loneliness in me," she said.

"I don't think the wine is going to help your loneliness, Klein," warned the Doctor as she helped herself to another glass. "You must miss Jonas." Klein rarely spoke of the lover she had in her own timeline, but he did not doubt this was on her mind.

"Oh, I do, Doctor. He was everything to me once. Now all I have of him is memories."

"I'm sorry, Klein. It can't be easy seeing everything you know wiped out of history," he said gently.

"I had a few lovers amongst the high-ranking National Socialists in South America. None of them meant anything to me. You knew Herr De Florres, didn't you? I knew him in a different way," she said with a laugh. "I can tell you he was not a gentle lover. He never cared much about me. I was too old for his taste," she said with a certain bitterness.

The Doctor was shocked to hear Klein speak so openly about her private life. Clearly, the alcohol was getting to her.

"Tell me, Herr Doctor. Do Time Lords love as men and women do?" she asked.

The question took him by surprise.

"It's difficult to explain the ways of Time Lords, Klein. We are a complex people. I can tell you that I had a family at one time. I do know about the birds and the bees, for all that's worth."

Klein laughed and poured down another glass of wine.

"I know you are a lonely man, Doctor. Travelling through time and space in your blue box. So far from your own kind. I'm a lonely woman too. Everyone I know has been lost to me."

The Doctor found this line of conversation rather uncomfortable.

"Well, I have had the odd companion around with me," he said.

"Like Fraulein McShane? No doubt your other companions were mostly female. You can't deny your a man, Doctor, even if you are a little pacifist."

The Doctor blushed. This was starting to remind him of the situation with that warrior queen, Angvia.

Klein moved across to the other side of the picnic blanket, knocking aside a massive cherry pie. She laid a hand on the Doctor's leg.

"We are alone on this planet together, Herr Doctor. There is nobody here to interrupt us. We need feel no shame here."

"Klein, what are you talking about?" asked a worried Doctor.

Klein had wrapped her arms around the Doctor's shoulders.

"Doctor, you have shown me the universe, can you show me love? Show me, Doctor. Show me how a Time Lord loves his Time Lady. I may not be a Time Lady, but I can be yours today."

This was really getting out of hand. His companions were not supposed to behave like this. He especially did not expect this from a Nazi who hated his guts.

Klein had already started kissing him.

"Take me, Doctor. You are a Time Lord, I am from the master race. We travel in time, we have such a potential. Let's be together and we can rule the galaxy as..as... master and mistress!"

When people started inviting you to rule the galaxy with them, you needed to worry. Perhaps it was time for drastic measures. The Doctor made a move to give Klein a nerve pinch. As he reached for her shoulder, he aimed too low and felt something soft beneath her dress.

"You want me, Doctor! I know it!"

The Doctor yelped and bolted up. Klein tried to rise and follow him, but the wine had overcome her and she staggered and collapsed.

"Klein, you really are a more complex person than I ever realised," the Doctor muttered. Then picking up the discarded bottle of Taran wine, he noticed a warning on the label, 'Contains aphrodisiacs.' "Or perhaps not that much. She really should have read the label."


The next day, the Doctor knocked on Klein's bedroom door. After she had collapsed, he had hastily put her to bed with her dress still one.

"Good morning, Klein," he said cheerfully, carefully laying down a tray of tea and bacon sandwiches on her dressing table. Klein awoke and gave a terrible groan.

"Oh, Doctor, I feel terrible," moaned Klein. "I can't remember anything. I do hope I didn't embarrass myself."

"My dear Klein, we were alone together on a deserted planet. There was nobody there to see anything," he replied, leaving Klein looking very unhappy.