Klein and the Evil Quarks, by Matthew Clarke (my fan fiction)

Klein encounters the dreaded Quarks! I love bringing the TV Comic stuff into other Doctor Who eras.

This story features Big Finish character, Elizabeth Klein. It is set between A Thousand Tiny Wings and Survival of the Fittest


The TARDIS had taken the Doctor and Klein to a mysterious spacecraft floating in space. They had sought out the craft's control centre to find some clues. The Doctor examined the banks of machinery and navigational computers.

"It rather seems that these controls are not designed to be operated by humanoid limbs. In fact, I would say they are meant for robots," declared the Doctor.

"How fascinating. A robotic crew. So there might be no life forms on board this vessel at all?" asked Klein.

"I suspect not," replied the Doctor. "This technology seems familiar. I must have seen a ship like this a long time ago."

The Doctor pulled out several electronic devices from his cavernous pockets. Tinkering with the machinery, he established an interface with the ship's computer.

"Ahh. Bad news, Klein. I have just realised what technology this is. We are on board a Quark ship," the Doctor announced.

"Quarks?" Klein queried.

"Evil robots. I haven't time for a lecture. I need to work out the deactivation code and shut them down before they get to us. According to the computer, there are six of them on board this ship."

The Doctor frantically entered various codes into his interface device.

Suddenly, the sound of heavy, clunking metallic footsteps could be heard from the corridor. A lumbering machine marched into the control room. It had a cuboid body from which protruded it's featureless mechanical arms. Its head was a sphere covered in spaghetti-like nodules with several spikes jutting out.

The robot spoke in a eerily girlish voice. "You are Dr. Who! You are an enemy of the Quarks! You must be taken prisoner and interrogated!"

"Chatty as ever," said the Doctor, as he continued to tinker with the computer. "Got it," he cried and punched in the deactivation code. The Quark ground to an immediate halt.

Klein stared at the metallic horror. The robot was one of the most ridiculous machines she had ever set eyes on, and the feminine voice seemed to add to the comical effect. Nevertheless, she had certainly noticed how terrified the Doctor had become when he realised that Quarks were on board.

"They are quite terrible machines. They have enormous firepower in thos clumsy metal limbs," said the Doctor.

"Who built them?" asked Klein.

"The Dominators, a cruel race of intergalactic conquerors. They make your Third Reich look like amateurs. The Dominators suffered from a falling population, so they engineered their mechanical warriors to act independently and sent them out into deep space to conquer other galaxies," replied the Doctor.

The Doctor unscrewed the back of the Quark and began examining the machinery inside. Klein peered over his shoulder, not wanting to miss the chance to examine an alien robot. "They haven't changed the basic design since I last encountered them. This Quark battleship must have been sent out centuries ago."

"Herr Doctor, I couldn't help but notice that the Quark addressed you as 'Dr. Who," she said.

"Ah, the secret is out," replied the Doctor. "I went through a phase of using the name Dr. Who a long time ago. I was a very different man back then."

"Is that your real name, Herr Doctor?"

The Doctor winked at Klein. "Klein, if you want to discover all my secrets, I think you can do it without my help."

'What of it?' Klein thought to herself. She doubted knowing the Doctor's name was going to help her outwit him or enable her to gain control of the TARDIS. Though she could not help but feel curiosity about it.

A thought crossed Klein's mind. Could she use this formidable machine to help restore the Third Reich to glory? If she could get to the 1940s, could she bring this robot as a trophy? Then she realised that there was no way the Doctor would allow her to bring it into the TARDIS. On the other hand, some of the circuitry that the Doctor had pulled out of the robot would fit in her pockets quite nicely. If she ever got back to the Reich, German scientists would get the chance to examine and exploit them. The opportunity was for the taking.