Thursday 19 June 2014

Klein and the Smoking Man, Part 3

A Doctor Who/ X-Files crossover

Scully was in the basement at the FBI headquarters, listening to Mulder talking at length about newspaper cuttings, magazine articles and internet rumours from UFO fanatics. He was like a little boy in a toy shop, displaying wide-eyed enthusiasm at every scrap of information.

"Now this is the best lead I have here, Scully. Just over a week ago, a meteor was reported to have hit in rural Wisconsin," said Mulder.

"Let me guess, you think this is a UFO crash landing?" suggested Scully, raising her eyebrow.

"Precisely. I have read a number of eyewitness accounts descrine a flying saucer within a two-mile radius immediately prior to this 'meteor' hitting the ground," replied Mulder.

"It hadn't occurred to you that an inexperienced observer might have difficulty distinguishing between a meteor and a flying saucer?" asked Scully.

"Hold off on the sceptic routine, Scully. There is more coming," he said. "A UFO enthusiast I am in contact with tried to get close to the crash site or 'meteor.' He couldn't get close, as the military had cordoned off the whole area. He did, however, manage to take a very interesting photograph which he sent me."

Mulder handed a photograph to Scully. It showed a man smoking a cigarette, while taking to a blond middle-aged woman.

"It's him! The smoking man!" said Scully.

"It seems he has an interest in meteors. I'm interested in who the woman is he's talking to."

"Somebody from the Federal government?" offered Scully.

"No. My friend took some other photographs, one of which included the car that brought this lady. I traced the registration number. It turns out it belongs to the United Nations headquarters in New York."

"She works for the UN?"

"I think this is a lead we should explore, Scully," Mulder declared.


After Mulder had returned to his apartment, he carefully placed two pieces of sticky tape onto his window, forming an X. He then shone his lamp behind it.


The next day, Mulder was getting out of his car, when we has approached by a black man, dressed in an overcoat. He had a greying beard and a scowling expression. The man was a nameless figure who often provided information to Mulder, though always on his own terms.

"Is it just me or do the two of us spend a lot of time in car parks?" said Mulder.

"What do you want from me this time, Agent Mulder?" snarled Mr. X.

"I wondered if you might know who this lady is in the picture," replied Mulder, handing Mr. X the photograph he had shown Scully.

"Agent Mulder, do you realise just how deep you are going here?" snapped Mr X. "Do you realize the web of secrecy you are trying to pierce?"

"If I didn't I wouldn't be asking," said Mulder with a shrug.

"This woman works for the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce."

"I think I've heard of them. Some sort of top secret security organisation," said Mulder.

"You think our cigarette-smoking friend is secretive? These people are on a completely different level," barked Mr X. "These are real military. Trained killers. Like Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, one of their former officers. My death could be ordered just for talking about UNIT. You don't know what you are dealing with, Agent Mulder."

"What exactly does UNIT do?" asked Mulder.

"They are Earth's last line of defence against invasion by extraterrestrials, Agent Mulder."

Mulder's eyes widened.

"You find this woman, Agent Mulder. Her name is Dr Elizabeth Klein. When you find her, aske her about the Doctor," instructed Mr X.


"Dr. Who, Dr. John Smith. He has many names. But he is the Doctor."


Mulder and Scully arrived outside the headquarters of the American branch of UNIT in Arkham, Massachusetts. The organisation was based in an old house from the 18th century. Like many of the buildings in Arkham, it was in an ornate neo-classical style. UNIT clearly had good taste.

The two agents presented themselves at the reception, displaying their FBI badges to the guard.

The guard wore the uniform of a US Marine, though she had a UNIT badge on her sleeve and wore a blue UNIT beret.

"I am very sorry, but Dr. Klein can only see visitors with a prior appointment. Her stay here is temporary and her time is limited," the guard explained.

"We are Federal agents conducting a criminal investigation," insisted Scully.

"I am sorry, but this building and it's staff are under UN jurisdiction. Dr Klein has diplomatic unity and cannot be subject to Federal investigation."

At that moment, a middle-aged blonde woman dressed in a dark skirt suit entered the reception heading toward the exit.

"Dr Klein!" cried the two agents.

"Can I help you?" asked Klein.

"These people are FBI agents, Dr. Klein. They wanted a consultation with you," interjected the guard.

"Is that so?" asked Klein with a raised eyebrow.

"It is Dr Klein. I'm Agent Mulder and this is Scully. We believe you may be able to shed some light on our recent investigations."

"I would be happy to talk with you and provide you with whatever information I can. There is a coffee shop on the other side of the street. Perhaps we could go there," the UNIT scientist suggested.

Mulder and Scully nodded and followed Klein into the street.


"So what exactly does UNIT do?" asked Scully.

"Oh, we're spies. We deal with invisible ink, that sort of thing," explained Klein.

"Nothing to do with Extraterrestrials or anything beyond Earth then?" asked Mulder suspiciously.

"You must be joking! I do wish my job was that interesting," replied Klein.

"Over a week ago, a meteor was reported to have hit Wisconsin. Can I ask what you were doing in the area?"

"I have a certain expertise in meteors. I happened to be giving a lecture at the University of Wisconsin in Milwaukee. I was asked to come to the examine the meteor."

"You were photographed with this man," said Mulder, showing Klein the photograph of her with the smoking man. She showed a definite sign of recognition.

"He's a professor at the university. Is he is some kind of trouble?" asked Klein.

"He doesen't exactly come across as the academic type," commented Scully.

"I'm sure he has some varied hobbies. I really don't know him very well," said Klein.

Mulder changed the subject.

"Is it true that in 1976, the London Underground was closed because of robotic Yeti?" he asked.

Klein made an amused face.

"I have heard of such stories, but the 1976 evacuation was due to a toxic substance that had been unleashed," she replied.

"I'm aware of the toxic substance, but it is believed by many that this was a creation of an alien force, along with the robot Yeti," he insisted.

Scully rolled her eyes.

"I think it's rather more likely that the toxin was unleashed by a terrorist group, such as the IRA. If there were any 'Yeti,' I am sure that they were just men in costumes."

Scully nodded. She was starting to warm to this Klein woman.

"Is it also true that London was evacuated in 1983 because of a horde of rampaging Dinosaurs?" asked Mulder.

Scully tried hard not to laugh.

"Oh, I've heard that one so many times," said a smiling Klein. "There was a serious gas leak from a chemical plant."

"I have read eyewitness accounts of people describing Dinosaurs. They seem pretty accurate," said Mulder.

"Perhaps, but Dinosaurs have been extinct for a long time," replied Klein.

"What about the Loch Ness Monster swimming down the Thames in 1984?" asked Mulder. This was his favorite of these British stories.

"I can assure you that your 'Loch Ness Monster' was a whale that had become trapped in the Thames. The poor thing was driven mad. The remains were preserved. I could arrange for you to see them if you like," said Klein.

Mulder was starting to get frustrated.

"Who is this man? The one they call the Doctor?" he said, handing Klein a photograph he had found on the internet.

The photograph displayed a man with tightly-curled brown hair. He was giving a boggle-eyed stare, while grinning madly, displaying huge white teeth. He had a brightly-cloured scarf wrapped about his neck.

Klein grimaced in recognition of the man.

"Oh, he was a medical student we had doing a placement with us. We used to call him the 'Doctor.' We were being sarcastic. He was completely incompetent and useless. I doubt he ever actually went on to qualify."

"You expect us to believe all these cover stories?" snapped Mulder.

"Would I be telling you them if I didn't?" sneered Klein.

"Come on, Mulder, We've wasted enough time on the 'invisible ink' people. Let's get back to grassy knolls and flying saucers," said Scully.

"You can't hide the truth from the people of the world forever!" said Mulder.

"Come on," said Scully dragging his arm.

"You really have no idea," said Klein with a sigh.

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